How to Overcome and Abandon Jealousy!
Few qualities are more unattractive in a person and are unhealthy to a romantic relationship or even casual dating than jealousy. Jealousy leads to insecurity, anger, unfounded and unnecessary fights in relationships and painful break-ups. Thus, learning how to overcome and abandon jealousy can be crucial to a person’s dating life and romantic relationships.
Jealousy is one of the worst poisons of any relationship. The devastating effects of jealousy are twofold: first, jealousy ruins good communication between people, causing a multitude of unfounded arguments and fights; jealousy also conveys some of the most unattractive qualities in a jealous person, such as lack of confidence and insecurity, which are some of the biggest turnoffs for both men and women.
Jealousy and suspiciousness reveal insecurity in a person’s self-worth and lack of confidence in his ability to attract and keep a partner interested. A lover who suspects his partner with unfaithfulness without having actual evidence of that will literally “terrorize” him by questioning and constantly treating him as a suspect in the crime of cheating.
Ironically, we are more likely to develop jealousy and let it adversely affect our behavior if our relationship is great and we are content with our partner. Our jealousy and our possessiveness are a side effect of our desire not to lose something that is very special to us. And the more precious our partner is to us, the more carefully we guard him / her by being jealous. That concern and fear of loss of someone very rare and special leads us to overprotecting it. Suspiciousness, lack of trust, and questioning your partner about his whereabouts in an investigating manner cause unnecessary fighting, conflicts and eventually break-ups of relationships that otherwise had great potential to develop and prosper. Don’t let this happen to you. If you are subjecting your partner to your jealousy, start working on eliminating it immediately. Eliminating jealousy is not a quick process. Jealousy is a trait of character, a frame of mind and an emotion, and getting rid of it is a gradual evolvement that requires work, self-reflection, patience, and persistence.
The great news is that the rewards of overcoming jealousy will probably keep you free of jealousy for the rest of your life and will make your future relationships much more successful.
The first and the most important step in dealing with jealousy is, like with many other issues is recognizing that you have a problem. Most people who have jealousy issues are in denial and refuse to admit that their behavior and perception are irrational and their lack of trust is unsubstantiated by any facts. Recognizing that you have a problem is essential to your motivation to work on it and to your success in overcoming jealousy.
Next, become aware and accept the fact that your suspicious behavior has no positive effect on his behavior and faithfulness. If someone is determined to be unfaithful, they will find a way, and it is impossible to stop them. So, stop it! Stop assuming the worst about him. Don't spend your time speculating about where he is and what he is doing! Believe the best about your partner and their loyalty to you until you have evidence to the contrary.
Keep in mind that the only reason, the only thing that keeps your partner around you, is his desire to be with you. Nothing else keeps either of you near each other. And his desire to be with you comes NOT from your pressure, your being jealous or your attempts to convince him to be faithful to you but from your other qualities that make you attractive and desirable. Your efforts to keep your partner have no positive effect on your relationship. It might put a huge burden on that person, which is not something anyone can handle for a prolonged period. Remember that the best “leash” is the loose one or even better–a total absence thereof. To remove your mind from jealous thoughts, become a little more selfish. Spend more of your time and your emotional and intellectual resources on building yourself as an individual rather than perceiving yourself as part of the relationship. Work on your career and your other goals. Take a class in a field that you have an interest in, learn a new language, engage in a form of creative art, take a dance class, and do anything else that you have or might have an interest in, so that there is more to your life than just that relationship, and so that your life does not revolve around any given person and his faithfulness to you. Pursuing other objectives of your life will prevent you from obsessing over your partner and will keep you in a much healthier emotional state, free of jealousy.
Remember, there is no insurance policy or collection agency for any relationship and jealousy certainly won’t help make it more stable. No matter if you have just started dating or have been married for many years, your relationship could end for a variety of reasons. This means that you should enjoy and appreciate your relationships as long as they last, but accept and embrace the possibility that any such relationship might be over one day. And if it is, it will be tough, but you will get over it. It will not be the end of the world for you. Your duty is being the best you can be in a relationship that you want to have. The rest is NOT up to you. The rest depends on your partner and you have no control over it, and whatever you have no control over should not concern you or be a cause of your anxieties.
As you are successfully fighting jealousy, you will start experiencing tremendous freedom - the freedom to enjoy your love life without the taxing pain of jealousy and insecurity and the pleasure of giving your partner a better, wiser, stronger, and happier you!
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